Meant to Be

As 40 Days for Life continues, this video reminds us:
We are ALL brought into the womb for a Purpose

Psalm 22

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Just another day at the park...

The Teeter-Totter!

This was my favorite thing to do at the playground, aka hospital, last Monday as I went in for a scheduled induction to have the little one, now known as Christopher. Yes, it was just another day at the park. I've been through this enough times, you'd think it would just be a simple stroll, but as many of you know, I don't sit still for long, and the excitement of a teeter-totter was quite appealing. I played on this thing all morning!

I pushed up and rushed down. I'd fly up into the air, and feel my stomach in my throat as I came back down. I'd use all my strength to push back up and stay on top with the thoughts of, "I can do this." Then crash back down with, "No I can't." To top it off, I had a straight forward doctor who simply told me, "It's multiple choice:

A. We can do this

B. You can go home

C. None of the above is NOT an option"

Darn, I was so close to picking C.

One would think I would jump off this teeter-totter, but evidently I was having too much fun. I think my husband was tired of watching me, God Bless him for supporting me in this endeavor.

As I continued to play, I tried so hard to stay on top, but no matter how hard I tried, I always rushed back down. You see, the teeter-totter is a 2 person ride. Someone else was on it with me; Someone much stronger and heavier than I, controlling when I could be up and down. When I discovered this, I began to let go a bit and enjoy the ride.

I stayed on that teeter-totter, now waffling between thoughts of epidural/no epidural. I wanted so much to be strong and endure what was to come, yet I was so weak. Just the week before, I was in for pre-admission, and told the nurse I won't be needing to sign the anesthesia papers because I wouldn't be getting an epidural. I hadn't truly had one since my oldest, and decided I wouldn't do it again. It seems a bigger lesson was in store for me this day. As the time drew closer, I remembered something I had just been told a few days before I went in, "just be happy God invented drugs." I laughed and thought, "Yes, I shall give up pain, that would be a good sacrifice for me." Do you notice the prideful theme here? I was on top - I was too good for an epidural.

As time went on, I asked for the anesthesiologist. The whole "God invented drugs" kept ringing in my ears. I was at peace with this decision, I was looking forward to the more "relaxed" birth. However, as the nurse and doctor left after the epidural was in place, I rushed back down bumping the ground with the teeter-totter. It hurt. It hurt my pride. I couldn't believe I just went through with it. Was this really what God wanted of me?

I believe it was. He was stronger, He pushed to the top, and as I cried at the submission of my will, He took control. The humility He was teaching me was more important than my efforts to show my strength. I learned about humility in the excitement of a ride at the park, "True joy in the ride comes as we let go and are plummeted down."

The greatest blessing that July 20 afternoon

Christopher

9lbs 1.6 oz. 22.5 " long

All for the Glory of God.

Brain damage...

Today I was looking for the phone before I headed into the store-

You know, in case blood was shed back at home.

I found it!

Attached to my ear; actively being used as I conversed with my mom.

Can I blame it on pregnancy?

plus/minus 13 days

But who's counting?

Just some desperate hopeful mama.

On Mom's Lap

Vincent Snuggling with Mom and Baby

Photo courtesy of Gabrielle

FLU-For Love Unveiled

FLU - For Love Unveiled!

I was pretty achy on Monday- I chalked it up to Communion preparation and celebration.

So please let me back track quick:

1st Communion: It was glorious!

The kids' faces beamed with beauty!

Even Michael's!

Gina was attentive as ever. I bet you would never guess what she noticed: "Mom, all those girls are princesses! Where's my princess dress? They are beautiful!" and later, "Mom, that princess girl has sparkle earrings. I love um!" She continued to notice all the ladies around us wearing earrings. She's been on an earring fetish lately. I don't know about a 2 year old trying to convince her parents to let her wear earrings. She will have to wait, but some days I get really close to giving in! (She is our princess among the 5 boys-we all have a soft spot for her, but the older girls had to wait until the winter before they received our Lord to have their ears pierced.)

Also heard among the nephews watching attentively, "Why did all those boys and girls get married?" You know, they are not too far off with their observation! Through the consummation of the Eucharist, they all became united to our Lord! No wonder their faces all shine with glory!

I love the sacrament of Holy Communion. Something changes: bread and wine into the body and blood, soul and divinity of Christ; and then upon reception, humanity into the likeness of Christ. I am so grateful for this gift! Christ Himself sustains us and transforms us if we let Him.

Ok, back to Monday. By evening I was dragging, and was in bed by 9 (at least 2 hours earlier than usual). I slept a little, and ached a lot. I began to think that this might be a bug and not just pain from over doing it (like that ever happens ;) ). Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday morning, I had a fever. (Hubby said I was hot Mon. night, but I was too stubborn to admit that I was sick and take my temp.) My weak body hung out on the couch for a few days, directing traffic in between short naps. Thursday night I turned the corner. After we all got dishes cleaned up, Daniel went to sit on the couch that I had been occupying all week, but immediately got up and said, "Sorry Mom, I will get up so you can lay down here, because I know you're still sick." How sweet is that. My husband and the kids all came through with help; a couple of them needed more encouragement than others, but they did it! I'm proud of them! They made dinner, (Thank God for party leftovers!) got little kids to bed, and helped immensely. The FLU made me rest, but it was a joyous rest amidst the frustration of not being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted and how I wanted it done. This FLU made me put aside my selfish ways and hold my tongue as I painfully watched things get done in a manner different than I would do. (The couple times I tried to get up, I found myself landed back on the couch in a matter of 5 minutes.) Love was Uncovered! I got to witness love, and genuine help was unveiled before my eyes!

Today I can say I'm better. My hubby and kids are relieved: That means I'm back to work! My time on the couch, though at times was frustrating, was well spent. God knew I needed to relax, in mind and spirit. I was happy to relax, and still do my part-surrendering my will for the good of others.

I remember the quote by Blessed Mother Teresa, "We are at Jesus' disposal. If He wants you to be sick in bed, if He wants you to proclaim His work on the street, if He wants you to clean the toilets all day, that's all right, everything is all right. We must say, 'I belong to You. You can do whatever you like.' And this is our strength and this is the joy of the Lord."

I'm still working on the "You can do whatever you like with me." I say it, but don't always mean it. It is getting better, though. And with cooperation, there is always Peace!

What I wanted to say...

Yesterday, I got to check up on how the little 27 week old babe is doing. Yes, I went to the Dr, listened to the heart beat, shared some adult conversation without children this time. (A friend had called as I was preparing to walk out the door and offered to have the youngsters play at her home- thank you!)

I even had a book to read which Kathryn had recommended. I didn't get very far, but in the introduction and single chapter I got through, it is worth the read! I shared it with my nurse who seemed genuinely interested- maybe this is part of the reason why I didn't come with kids in tow today.

Next up, the scale: Baby is growing! A lot! On second thoughts, maybe I should start exercising! A lot! ;)

I get seated in my room and await the dr's arrival. This doctor is new to me. Yes, Baby #9 has a new doctor. Yes, we have been in the same town for the last 4 babies. Different stories for each, and I only ran one doc out of town j/k. (This dr. did leave town, but I was sad at the departure-I think it went both ways.)

Dr arrives, and starts off with the question, "So when are you going to have the TV crews in your home? Oh, I guess you're only half way to 18. chuckle."

I respond, "I really don't want a TV crew in my house - or maybe I should - I could put them to real work, chuckle."

The dr. went on to say how some people are cut out to deal with children, and he didn't think he was one of them. He went on to say how he really struggled being a parent to his 3 children, and wondered how I do it, parenting almost 9. I felt bad for him, I was trying to figure out if he was showing remorse for not being the best he could, or if he gave his best and felt like it wasn't good enough. I waited a moment, and chimed in with my experience, "Well, if it means anything to you, I struggled with 1, 2, 3 and I'm sure I'll still struggle with 9. Whether you have 1 or 9 kiddos running around, you're always going to have good days and bad days. That is a constant!" He continued to thank me for that comment.

We completed the appointment, and I ventured out to set up the next appointment. My nurse stopped me again to ask about and glance at the book. The dr. followed up with a comment about getting the book finished in all my free time. Then, he said I should write my own book - I joked back, "Yes, in all my free time. It may never get done."

Overall, a good appointment. I like this Doc. Something about him challenges me. I was driving home in my silent van thinking about our conversations. They were good, but could I have said anything different?

What I wanted to say was these kids are beautiful. I wouldn't trade them for anything. They are worth every ounce of struggle. Each struggle is a step in love. Yes, they teach me to love - more than I would ever love on my own. They keep me humble, and make me realize how much I need mercy. Together, our family learns about love and mercy: "love covers a multitude of sins" 1 Peter 4:8. And with each addition to our family, Love grows!

I always get the comment, "I don't know how you do it." Usually I follow up with, "Neither do I!" But I do know. It is by the grace of God, in cooperation with prayer. Surrendering my weaknesses. Remembering that I can't do anything on my own, and asking God to take over: to Love when I don't feel like loving; to Guide when I don't know what to do; to sustain me when I feel like giving up. As St. Paul tells us, "when we are weak, it is truly then that we are strong." Power reaches perfection as we surrender our weaknesses, because we no longer are living, but Christ is living in us. His Perfect Love pours out if we open the canal!

Isn't that what we are called to do? Love! We learn from Mark 12: 30-31 about the greatest commandments: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul,with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself." And all over in John, but specifically chapters 13 and 15, "Love one another as I have loved you." If you do a keyword search on bible gateway, you will find a multitude of references under the keywords 'command love'.

I thank God for teaching me how to love. Love is sacrificial. Love is obedient. Love is a choice. Love can not be done alone - it comes from uniting ourselves to Jesus.

I pray that I may love more, and leave you with what I am working on:

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

In other words: Love bears all things, believes in all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.